5 Ministry Contentment Killers and What To Do About Them
You have countless conversations with mentees about discontentment. You point them to God’s Word. You identify their misplaced hopes. You pray for them every week.
But when you go home you think, “I tell them how to be content, but I am not content. I know the ‘right’ things to say and do, yet I am restless and unsettled. I look to things other than Jesus for happiness.”
As a missionary for 19 years, I feel ya! Discontentment creeps into your life in the strangest places and sticks around as an unwelcome house guest. You desire to practice what you preach, but you cannot identify where the disappointment comes from or how to stop it.
I don’t claim to have all the reasons and remedies for discontentment. But over the years of ministry and in my counseling practice, I have noticed common areas where missionaries are discontent.
Let’s identify five contentment killers within ministry. Then I’ll give you tips to do this week to start squashing them.
Contentment Killer #1 – Poor Job Fit
Do you have a job where most of your work responsibilities are not a good fit? I’ve been there! Ministry provides you experience in many different tasks. But when your day-to-day job drains you and you are not sure your job matches up with your gifts, it is hard to stay motivated. You want something different but you are not sure how to go about it.
Quick Tip you can do this week: Pick one job task you hate. No it can’t be support raising! 😉
1. Talk with your director or supervisor and tell them that this part of your job is not a good fit. Ask them if there is a team member who can take this over; someone who has more skill in this area. If that is not an option (because no one else is available, or because your boss thinks this is a growth area for you–we’ve all heard that before), jump to step two.
2. Ask yourself, “What would increase my level of confidence to accomplish this task?” More training? Feedback on how I am doing? Another team member to show me how they accomplished this task? Only you know what that confidence booster would be. Once you identify it, go back to your director and tell him or her what you discovered. Request more training, increased feedback, or additional help. Let us know how it goes!
Contentment Killer #2 – Comparison
This one is a biggie whether you are in ministry or not. You work with extremely competent team members. It is easy to compare and get stuck there. Lines you think but might not say:
I wish I could be like him
I’m not as skinny as her
I can’t speak in front of people like he does
She is better at relating with others
Ugh, their ministry account balance is larger than ours. What am I doing wrong?
Need I go on?
Are you a professional at comparison? It zaps joy and keeps you from moving forward. If you are looking for someone in ministry who is more attractive than you, fitter than you, has more mullah in their staff account, or reads Scripture more than you, you’ll find him or her. You don’t have to look far.
Content men and women notice those same things about other people, but it does not derail them. They now have a goal to shoot for. How much mental energy do you waste on comparing? It robs you of seeing your unique gifts.
When I compare myself with others, I become self-focused. You cannot be self-focused and love others at the same time. It’s impossible.
Quick Tip you can do this week: Journal the answer to these two questions – Remember a time when you didn’t yourself to others. What did you do or think that kept you from comparing? How could you think or do those same things in your current situation?
Contentment Killer #3 – Being a control freak!
You know all of the right words…trust Jesus, right? God is in control. Those statements are 100% true and typically that is how you live life. But on the days when discontentment creeps in, you tell yourself a different story.
You want to trust Jesus, but you think:
If I control my emotions and not let anyone know I am hurting, I can get through today.
If my kids behave in public, then my supporters will see me as a good mom or dad.
If I fill my schedule with ministry activities, then I don’t have to think about how my marriage is falling apart.
When you control things, it makes you feel out of control. It is exhausting. You rob yourself of mental rest and it puts you on the throne of your life. When you take too much control, it feels good for a while. But do you like yourself when you control things?
Dear Jesus, help us identify this week places or people in our lives we try to control. Help our hearts be at rest. Enable us to give those areas of control to you for the thousandth time.
Quick Tip you can do this week: Think through your week and identify areas you are controlling and that feel out of control. How would giving up a portion of that control make you more content?
Contentment Killer #4 – Perfect Performance
Works are tangible and easy to measure. Salvation by grace alone? Some days that sounds nebulous. When your job is to be a “professional Christian,” be on our guard for places you perform. If you miss a quiet time for a week, what do you tell yourself? If the Bible Study you lead does not go as planned, how does that affect the rest of your week? Your contentment increases when you rest in what Jesus has done for you. Jesus + nothing.
Jonathan Edwards says, “You contribute nothing to your salvation except the sin that made it necessary.” Ouch!
Quick Tip you can do this week: A great resource to focus on how we try to earn our salvation as believers is The Gospel Centered Life put out by Serge.
Contentment Killer #5 – Hiding Junk in the Trunk
Ministry highlights saturate your prayer letters. Your family looks to you to be their spiritual glue. The men and women you disciple seek you out for guidance and direction.
So who knows what really goes with you? One of the ways I was less discontent (I said less, not completely ;-)) during my 30s and early 40s as a single woman in ministry was that I was completely known. I did not tell everything to everyone. But my dark places were told to someone or spread over several someones. That was true freedom for me.
Quick Tip you can do this week: Feeling unknown in ministry is lonely. Here are a few reflection questions to ponder.
If you can’t let your junk out of the trunk, what stops you?
What do you long for someone to know but are scared to utter?
What does your silence cost you?
What would you do if you had nothing to fear in this area of life and ministry?
What creates discontentment in you? Where has your contentment increased?
Thanks for all that you do to reach the world for Christ. It is an honor to walk alongside of you.
