My Top 9 Vocational Ministry Regrets

Ministry shaped me as a therapist, wife and mother. Can you relate? Ministry is greenhouse of growth.

I also have ministry regrets. If I could do it all over again, what would I change?

My top 9 vocational ministry regrets. If I went back into full time ministry, what would I do differently?

1. Speak up

I sat quiet with my opinions and viewpoints. I gave myself an out.

Julie, you’re new to this team. They know what they are doing more than you.”

Julie, you are the youngest one. They won’t take you seriously.”

“Someone else said something similar. Don’t repeat it.”

I stayed quiet to protect myself from looking incompetent or being rejected. If I had to do it over again, I would have spoken up sooner and more often, for my sake and for the benefits of my team.

2. Rest more

Ministry demands your time and heart. You could work 24-7 and still not get everything done. If I had to do things over, I would ask God for strength to trust that He is in control and rest. He chose to use me, but did not need me. I was and am dispensable. My lack of rest came from a desire to please others. I felt needed. It gave me value. When I had downtime, my thoughts were about ministry. I didn’t know what to do with time-off.

3. Own nice things

We don’t take a vow of poverty in ministry, yet I believed that owning nice things was decadent. A ministry colleague told me early on in my vocational work to buy really nice luggage since we traveled so much. I took a long time to take her up on her wisdom.

I wanted nice things, but didn’t buy them for fear of a supporter or team member finding out. You probably won’t go hog-wild on with Louis Vuitton bags or gorge on Anthropologie outfits. Enjoy a few nice things in life that God gives you just to make your day.

4. Compare less

Oh, the energy I wasted on measuring my value and daily demeanor on how I stacked up to others, especially my staff team or at conferences. I focused inward and it took energy away from developing me. Others missed out on my gifts. My comparison told God and others I was not content with how He made me. Ick! Comparison kept me from moving forward and gave me a false sense of protection from being rejected. You do you!

5. Celebrate being an introvert

This connects to the previous regret. I was surrounded by extroverts in vocational ministry. I felt like a weirdo at times. I wanted to be extroverted but had no energy for it. I was quiet in meetings. At conferences, I went to bed early. I was not the life of the party.

Ministries are handicapped without introverts. You can draw students, disciples, etc into your ministry that the extroverts might over-power. (And vise versa).

Feel the freedom to say no to the after-ministry party invite. Go sit on your cozy couch with your favorite blanket and coffee and a veg out for a few hours. There are enough opportunities to put your ministry game face on and do the introvert-temporarily-turned-extravert thing.

6. Spend time with my family and neighbors

A hard lesson I learned toward the end of my vocational ministry career was that in going after the world, I bypassed my family and neighbors.

If I could hit the rewind button, I would carve out time to be with family and neighbors — and keep no agenda. I would convey that they are cherished and that I’m not going after the 99 and forgetting the one.

7. Be bolder with supporters

Support raising brings up your emotional junk, doesn’t it? Fear, insecurity, unbelief.

When I reflected on my insecurities with support raising, I discovered that I believed that my supporters would rather support anyone else other than me…even if they had been supporting me for over 10 years. What craziness, huh? No wonder I had difficulty being bold with current or future supporters.

I rejected them before they rejected me. For 99.9% of us in vocational ministry, support raising is hard. I regret shying away from making, putting off, or wimping out on making phone calls to ask people to join my team. I focused too much on me.

8. Let myself be human

I read a letter recently that I mailed to some college friends in the mid-nineties. Granted I was younger, but I cringed at how Christiany and unrelateable I sounded. 

I had a ministry coworker tell me, “Julie, you only share struggles with me when they are over.” Ouch. She was right.

You have many eyes on you in ministry — supporters, disciples, co-workers, family. You can say things so they sound better than they are. If I could rewind the ministry clock, I would focus on being more real than right. I would give myself way more grace to mess up and not take myself so seriously.

9. Box my boundaries

You give, give, and give some more. You want to say “No” to certain requests, but before you know it, “SURE, I can do that” is leaks out of your lips. Shoot! How did that happen?

Pastor Tim Keller said that “Mercy limits mercy.” If I kept better boundaries in ministry, it could have affected the above eight regrets in positive ways.

Which ones do you connect with most? What new regrets could you add?

I know you or I will never fully arrive, but how would your ministry change if you took the things you regret and acted to make them different?

If you didn’t compare yourself to other missionaries, especially during staff conferences, what would your disciples notice first? How would you rest differently with better work schedule boundaries?

Did any of these regrets resonate with you? Did you say to yourself, “Yep, that’s me to a T, but I’m not sure what next step to take.”

Download the (free, no email required) Head & Heart Reflection Guide. It helps you understand what drives your actions and behaviors, so you can take steps to change them and enjoy ministry more.