3 “Benefits” of Negative Self-Talk During Support Raising

“I hate how I presented my ministry to the missions board last night.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t ask them to give to my ministry!”

“I’ll never be as good of a vision caster to supporters as my teammates are.”

Do thoughts like these rattle through your head? As you raise support, you pelt your brain with cruel self-talk comments and even meaner ones at regular intervals. You think you don’t measure up to the standards of others, nor your own standards.

These thoughts and behaviors do something for you.

For example:

Robbing a bank doesn’t do anything for you. You’d have to turn the money back in. You would go to jail. You would disappoint people who love you. There is no draw for you to rob banks, so you don’t do it.

But you eat lots of Tostitos with Lime Tortilla Chips. Munching those addicting corn triangle satisfies you for a few seconds, or drowns your sorrows, albeit momentarily—but it IS a moment. Overeating does something for you, even though it doesn’t ultimately give you what you want.

So if your behaviors or thoughts benefit you, what is the ‘benefit’ of your cruel self-talk during support raising? What does it do for you that you might not see as a perk?

3 “Benefits” of Cruel Self-Talk During Support Raising

1 | You Beat Supporters to the Punch

You put yourself down before your supporters do it. If you tell yourself cruel things first, the sting of supporter’s words won’t feel so bad. You think, “I will feel less crappy about myself if I say it before they say it.”

Does it make you feel better? Are you trying to beat them to the punch? Is it working? Sadly you beat yourself up with words that supporters who care about you would never say to you.

2 | A Security Blanket of Safety

Cruel self talk give you the illusion of safety. You tell yourself that you don’t need to risk putting you or your thoughts in front of your supporters. It feels more comfortable to stay as is and not risk.

If you change what you tell yourself, it requires you to act differently. For example, what if you changed the above statement to say, “I didn’t like how I presenting my ministry to that missions board, but I want to do something about it”? Now you risk contacting them again or revamping your approach for future mission boards.

The former statement is self sabotage. The later statement is risky but is about action and results. What about your cruel self-talk keeps you feeling “safe” as you raise support?

3 | Less Is Required of You

When you hang around others who put themselves down, you feel the pull to build them up or not ask much of them. They are already down on themselves. Why require more of them? For example, your supporter picks up on how you negatively view yourself. Most supporters want to partner with missionaries who are confident in their calling and not someone they feel the pressure to encourage.

These “benefits” offer temporary safety and comfort, but do they ultimately get you what you want in life and support raising? 

How could your support raising appointments be different if you focused less on your insecurities and served your supporters? Your negative self-talk will not go away overnight, but you love others while focused on yourself.

What internal struggles with support raising hold you back? Contact me to schedule a session to address the struggles and make progress,