6 Questions to Ask Your Disciples When They Flake

A handful of you mentioned a common struggle with your disciples. Here is what you said: 💬💬

How do I get my disciples “to actually respond to the challenges I give them?”

The people I mentor are “not stepping up to lead, disciple, or [they are] being flaky when they do lead.”

“How to deal with [disciples] who verbally say they desire growth and healing in their lives, but never take the practical step they’re given to do so.”

“I feel like discipleship and investing in the lives of [women] is one of the most important part of ministry, but it’s frustrating when those [women] don’t feel as invested in their growth as maybe I am. Hard when they cancel last minute or don’t do the homework they asked for.”

As a missionary and counselor, I have seen trends with why people don’t follow through on what you ask of them. What questions could uncover their reasons for lack of follow-through?

Below are six groups of questions to ask them in your next discipleship time:

1 | Are you overwhelmed? If so, where are you overwhelmed and how can I help?

You’ve been there too. The demands of life creep up the sides of your boat and you feel like you are drowning. It’s hard to add one more thing that someone asks of you. 

Ministry is your career. Your disciples have jobs and/or school, and ministry is an addition to their already overflowing plate. 

This does not excuse them, but seek to understand where they are overwhelmed and not label them as “lack of follow-through.”

Does completing the assigned task overwhelm them? Help them break your request down into parts and prioritize what needs to be done, how it should be done, and in what order.

2 | Do you feel heard?

If you assume your disciples are a product of their culture, or are lazy, you won’t hear them. As a missionary, I had set in stone discipleship plans. I made my disciples feel like my comments were super important.

Try asking, “You told me that you want to grow in your faith and yet ______ is not happening. What am I missing? What am I not hearing that you are trying to tell me?”

3 | Do you need help from me or someone else? What holds you back?

Your disciple’s inaction might not be lack of motivation. Is there a skill with the task they need help to do? Explain how to do each stop. Ask them what parts of the task are confusing?

For example, you ask them to reserve a room for a meeting. No matter what the age, this could be a new task for them. You can do this task in your sleep. Not the case for them. Don’t assume they know the steps of the task.

4 | What fears surface when I ask you to do X?

During my third year in ministry, I lived in fear for five months before my first large group speech. Anxiety consumed me.

Are your disciples fearful to lead because they don’t want to fail? Or fail in front of others?

Our disciples are not flaky just to be flaky. There is a reason behind it. Be patient and curious to find out the reasons. Then the reasons can be addressed with grace and truth.

5 | Does my request have a ministry agenda?

This question could step on your missionary toes. But friends, God called you to reach the world with the Gospel. This honor requires initiative and asking others to step out in faith. But your disciples will sniff out when your ministry agenda exceeds your desire to shepherd them.

For example, do you show disappointment when they don’t attend a conference for a second year in a row? Do you challenge them yet again to a leadership position that is not their passion?

If your disciples think their growth is your agenda item, it will sabotage follow-through. I only know this because I was on the receiving end, as well as the one with the agenda.

6 | Does this task match up with your passions? Do you desire to grow in this area?

No, not everything in life matches our sweet spot. But imagine challenging your disciples to projects that matched where they wanted to grow or what they wanted to learn?

For example, you encourage a young mom you disciple to lead a small group of other young moms in your church. She is hesitant. You soon realize she spends most of her mental energy thinking about how to teach her kids the Bible. How could this new information change the tasks you give her?

Or you want the guys in your Bible Study to study Scripture more. But what is really on their minds this Fall is how to keep sexually pure in their dating relationships with their girlfriends.

Don’t scrap your entire disciple agenda for only what your disciples want to learn. But you’ll get more buy-in if they plan the agenda with you. If they slack off, refer to the earlier questions to uncover what interrupts their growth process.

What else makes it a challenge for your disciples to follow-through? What solves these challenges?